Depression

  I hate it how I sometimes get depressed for the smallest things. Don't you hate it? HA. You're probably annoyed:] It's pretty tiring.. Cry, cry, cry, ICE CREAM BABY! And lemme tell ya, ice cream HELPS! You just eat a whole bunch and you're fine! If I had to choose what to eat when I was depressed it would be Ben & Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and a Monster energy drink- that's the way to go.

 See, but I didn't ever do that.. I started being really stupid and went emo. This was until I realized what it did to me and how it made me act.. But then it was too late! Crap. But I'm still trying my hardest NOT to be emo, cause I know it's wrong and I, myself want to stop. I just wish I knew how to get out of this phase.. It's very difficult. My counselor found out about this and he had to sit down and tell me what goes on when I cut myself..

 And then he called my MOM.  My question is, why do they HAVE to tell my parents EVERYTHING?! It gets a little annoying after a while.. Well, back to the main topic. So I learned what it does.. You know when you like accidentally fall or trip and scrape your knee or like start bleeding? Well your brain's super smart so it sends down to make you feel better.. And what your brain sends down is sorta the same thing as heroin. As in, like it has the same effect. And that's when it gets addicting.

 So now tell me, is it easy to let go of drugs? Not really.. But if you try super super hard and make the effort to stop cutting, your addiction can go away. That's what I'm doing now:] And it's sorta-ish working.. Well not really but at least I'm trying. I only cut when it's totally and completely necessary. The only reason I would cut in the first place was because I needed a distraction from my emotions. What I would do (sorta like my theory) was: slit my arm several times to distract myself from my tears.

 Great theory, huh? No, not really. But it was working. lol. It's not really that big of a deal, but people take it so hard, you know what I mean? So that's why everyone is like 'awww, poor girl." No. Nothing is wrong with me! And when I don't listen to people when they tell me to stop, they start arguing with me! What I always tell them is, try and understand. Then I walk away, end of conversation. I mean, if I stayed any longer, everyone would make a huge deal out of it anyway.. Right?